Kate Scott
February 3, 2009
English 9
Mr. Salsich
Confinement and Freedom:
An Essay About Imprisonment and Freedom
If you were ever imprisoned and could only ever see one thing for the rest of your life what would you choose? When you were imprisoned what would you like to be as free as? Only ever seeing one thing again and picking what I would like to be as free as would be hard and I don’t now what I would choose.
There is one person and one thing I would like to see if I was ever imprisoned. One person who I would like to see every day is my cousin Brianna. No matter what the situation is Brianna always knows what to say. If it’s to cheer me up, to calm me down, or to make me laugh I can always count on her (purposeful repetition). That would be the kind of person I would want, and need to see every day to keep me going. Another thing that I would like is my Ipod. My Ipod has so many songs that have been the soundtracks to places I have been and songs that my friends and I have listened to constantly. Listening to the songs will give me hope that one day I might see thoughts places again, or see my friends again. With Brianna and my Ipod I think I could survive imprisonment.
When I am dreaming I am free. A dream can take me anywhere, can let me be anything, and can let me do anything. When dreaming your imagination can take you places that you have never gone to but always wanted to. Its not always possible to drop everything and go where you want to, but dreams let me escape to far away places that I know I would not be able to get to. Dreaming also allowed me to relive my memories from the past. When I relive these memorizes I can change the out come. I can take a past experience that was not pleasurable and make it better. Dreaming can give you so many options, that is my I wish to be as free as a dream.
If I were ever imprisoned I would wish to see my cousin and my Ipod. These two things would keep me my self and would give me hope to one day be free. Even with this Brianna and my Ipod I think I would still with to be free. If I was like a dream then maybe I could escape imprisonment and be free.
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3 comments:
KATE!
This is a great essay. I really enjoy the personal touch you put in your first body paragraph, it really grabbed my attention. Two things you could work on is putting two FAST words in there and changing the "now" in your opening paragraph to "know". Besides that I think that you did a wonderful job. WAY TO GO!
-Scarlet
Kate, I really liked your first paragraph. You were very descriptive while still maintaining the main idea. One thing you might want to change would be the subtitle, as it is almost the same as the title. Also, the sentence, "Even with this Brianna and my Ipod I think I would still with to be free" is confusing. Try to re-word it. All the same, great job!
KATE...boooooyaaaaaahhh! I really liked your second body paragraph, the sentence "A dream can take me anywhere, can let me be anything, and can let me do anything" really grabbed me. Be sure to label it as a 3-action verb for extra credit! But, this sentence, "Only ever seeing one thing again and picking what I would like to be as free as would be hard and I don’t now what I would choose.", really confused me. Re-read it and then re-word it so it makes more sense. Overall, FANTASTIC job!
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