English 9
Mr. Salsich
2.3.09
Imprisonment and freedom are complete opposites, and I haven't experienced either one. Imprisonment is what stands in the way of freedom, and freedoms are what stand in the way of imprisonment-Chiasmus.
Imprisonment is something I plan on never experiencing. No matter what comes to my window, there's nothing that could take my mind off the confinement, the solitude-FAST, and the isolation of my cell-tricolon. I despise enclosed spaces, and knowing I will not be able to get out of them is even worse. Even if there was a window or opening that might give me comfort, I doubt I would notice it. The thought of, "Will I ever get out?" will keep ringing through my head, like a church bell ringing through empty streets and echoing off every building. I can't think of anything that would get rid of my sorrow, if I were to be enclosed in any way shape or form. It's terrible to even think about, not being able to see, hear, or even speak to anyone.-3 action verb The imprisonment itself is not what scares me as much as the deep seclusion-FAST I would feel.
On the contrary, I would like to be as free as I can be. As Zack says so eloquently-FAST, "My problem is I don't want limitations. I want boundlessness. I want to push the limits and find that were never really there." I want to be able to walk, be able to bike, be able to drive, be able to swim, or even be able to fly without coming across any brick walls.-quartcolon Even without being technically "imprisoned" there are still rules that we must abide by. One of my favorite movies is called, Into The Wild, where the main character decides to leave behind everything that ties him to modern society, and hitchhikes across America heading to Alaska-"The Wild". He embarks on this self-fulfilling journey, changing his name to Alexander Supertramp, and forgets all of his worries. Now I'm not saying I want to go to Alaska, or leave behind everything I ever knew, but it would be nice to forget my worries for a summer at least. Imagine how amazing it would be to not have to think about anything, besides the next step you take on the pavement. So ,yes, I would like to be as free as I can be, as free as a "Supertramp".
Although, I haven't experienced imprisonment, I haven't experienced true freedom either. Just like Alexander Supertramp (or Christopher McCandless), I want to embark on my own journey where there's no such things as confinement or seclusion. I want to be able to have true freedom, without true imprisonment-purposeful repetition.
3 comments:
Parker,
WOW! This is one of your best essays I have read all year. You fufilled all the requirements and you did it beautifully. Two things you could work on is maybe making it say "Zack Dameron" instead because it seems more formal. Also I would consider changing the last sentence in you second body paragraph to something more like, "as free as "Alexander Supertramp" rather than just Supertramp. Otherwise I think you did really well on this assignment. YOU GO PARKER!!
-Scarlet
Parker-
i agree with scarlet this is one of your best essays this year. every thing you wrote was clear and very well written. i especially liked when you said, "The thought of, "Will I ever get out?" will keep ringing through my head, like a church bell ringing through empty streets and echoing off every building." was one of my favorite sentences in your essay. a suggjestion is in you chiasmus when you said, "and freedoms are what stand in the way of imprisonment" the "are" doesnt make sense to me, but it may just be me. other then that it was a really good essay!
-kate
Parker-That was awesome. Simply amazing. I think that this is the best essay of yours I;ve ever had the pleasure of reading. One thing you can change is your chaismus sentence. I don't think that it is chiasmus if you just say the complete opposite, and chiasmus needs some subtlety to it. Another thing would be in your quartcolon section to add some mental verbs, not just physical ones, to show that there's ore than just physical imprisonment. Your second body paragraph is something quite extraordinary, as it takes your unique passion and blends with your unnerving wit. This is a great essay that in my opinion deserves an A.
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