Kimo's Essay

Kimo Gray
4.30.09
English9
Mr. Salsich

Happiness: Lost in Translation:
An Essay about the Meaning and Toils of Kindness

(1) In the beginning we are small, helpless, and are unanimously cared for by others. (2) We are nurtured, we grow, we age, and we develop our opinions of the world, of life. (TETRACOLON) (3) Then we are touched by true kindness, know its fleeting presence in our life, and through this we mature. (4) It is with kindness that we grow into our spiritual awareness, and take on responsibility as one of a world of many.

TS In Naomi Shihab Nye’s Poem, Kindness, she describes kindness as something you earn, something that must grow out of a disheveled heart. SD1 She writes, “Before you know …kindness…you must first lose things.” CM There is much we are given in our comfortable lives, but there is much to give up in search of something greater. CM As Nye state, “all…must go so you know how desolate the landscape can be between the regions of kindness.” SD2 In giving up our worldly possessions we can have something much greater. CM We also must experience true sorrow in able to understand happiness. “Before…kindness [is] the deepest thing,” she writes, “you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.” CM We must feel pain in order to rebuild our hearts and minds. CS Though vague, kindness is a subject which Nye is a veteran, and shares her wisdom with all who will take it.

TS The short story “Winter Dreams” serves as a cautionary tale for kindness. SD1 In the story a man by the name of Dexter Greene believes he experiences happiness through Judy Jones, the love of his life. CM Judy is a woman who is always in a relationship, always with different men, but she takes the time to just be with Dexter.(LOOSE SENTENCE) CM Eventually she leaves him and he is crushed, his sorrow deepening and deepening each encounter. SD2 Flash-forward to Dexter in his later life, now past his prime, his colleague speaks to him of Judy Jones, casually mentioning how she had grown out of her beauty. CM When Dexter’s mental image of the old Judy is crushed, Dexter collapses along with it. CM Because he never appreciated what life threw at him and never knew sorrow, he never truly knew happiness. CS In his early life, Dexter was happy, but because he distorted his sorrow, he was parched(SAT) of happiness and became a shallow man still in love with the long gone Judy Jones.

TS In my life, I’m not sure if I have experienced this true kindness, but I have gone through sorrow. SD1 This summer my grandfather, one of the most influential men in my life, passed away. CM This was very difficult for me and my family, but for a while I didn’t feel sad, just numb. CM It was at the funeral that my emotions overwhelmed me and I cried, letting out my sorrow in waves. SD2 My grandfather was a great, venerable(SAT) man, and I learned a great deal about kindness from him. CM He had always taught me that happiness is important, but what’s more important is the happiness of you and those you love. CM When he died, my dad, his son(APPOSITIVE), was there to comfort me and to carry on his kindness. CS Sorrow is a very difficult emotion, it can be fought back into the bowels of your stomach or it can erupt spouting words, feeling, that are all painful to bear. CS I’ve felt true sorrow, and for this I know I appreciate happiness more.

(1) If brought together, these people would have a lot to say to each other. (2) Dexter could chastise Nye for always finding a way to preserve happiness when life is so enervating (SAT), while Nye could tell Dexter to just let go so that he can move on. (3) I have not had much experience with happiness, but I know I am happiest when I am with my friends and family. (4) Life is a tricky thing, for you must love it without it loving you back, and live each day knowing full well the emotional gamble it will bring you, then after the day when you are alone, compose yourself, filter all those bad feelings out, and love life anew. (LOOSE SENTENCE)


Self-Assessment
1.Kimo Gray, 4.30.09, Happiness Essay

2.I feel my opening and closing paragraphs were strong. I also think I used the special tools well.

3.I think I may have lost topic in the first body paragraph. I’m not sure if all my SAT words are apt.

4.I am working on omitting mistakes. I am also working on organization and planning ahead.

5.B