English
Mr. Salsich
November 20 2008
An Extraordinary Story:
An Analysis of a Talk Given by Stump Olsen
An Analysis of a Talk Given by Stump Olsen
1: Stump Olsen's talk gave me a new perspective on life. 2: It was terrifying to think someone could go through that much discrimination in high school. 3: But she is perfectly fine now, seeing her joke around in front of us shows how much she has accepted, and let go of the past. 4: She didn't have the greatest childhood to say the least , but the present is looking great.
TS: Stump Olsen explains, " I didn't tell a soul [that I was gay] until I was 20. I knew when I was five, but I didn't tell anybody until I was 20." SD: This says a lot about the fear that she had as a young lesbian, growing up in Minnesota. CM: By the time she was a sophomore- even though she said she "didn't tell a soul" that she was gay- she was getting beaten up twice a week just because they assumed that she was based on her appearance. CM: She didn't know what to do, she didn't want to tell her parents and the teachers saw what was happening but did nothing. SD: In turn, her family didn't know that she was gay until she was 20 either. CM: "Coming out" with her parents was a very difficult experience for her because she hasn't spoken to them since. CM: In fact, she told us that she lost her entire immediate family due to her homosexuality. CS: I think what Ms. Olsen had to go through was horrific; from school to family problems, it shows how extremely ignorant people can be.
TS: Though she might've had a rough time then, she's currently happy; she says "you lose some people, but you gain some great people." SD: She has a girlfriend and a good number of friends as well. CM: Her friends being loving and kind, she now has a family. CM: Since her birthdays coming up she knows that she won't get a birthday card from her parents, but her mailbox will be stuffed with cards from her friends. SD: She accepted the fact that the relationship between her and her family will never change. CM: She has moved on, but she still loves them and would be happy if they learned to love her again, as well. CM: However, she still has her friends and that's what counts the most. CS: In spite of all that has happened to her, she has overcome the heterosexism she endured as a child and has finally found happiness.
1: I enjoyed Ms. Olsen's talk very much. 2: Homosexuality is a topic we don't discuss that often, and I think it is good for us to do so. 3: It was necessary, because in this new generation we can help prevent the heterosexism that she encountered as a kid, from happening again. 4: Stump Olsen has endured a lot due to her sexuality, but that part of her life is over; a new and improved one has begun.
green= participle
red= absolute
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Self-Assessment
1. 11/20/08- An Analysis of a Talk given by Stump Olsen
2. I am continuing to work on comma issues. Also, using unnecessary words have been a re-occurring problem.
3. I see good uses of a participle and absolute. In addition, I used quotes that enhanced my writing.
4. I might've not included everything "under one umbrella". There also might be one comma-splice.
5. B
1: I enjoyed Ms. Olsen's talk very much. 2: Homosexuality is a topic we don't discuss that often, and I think it is good for us to do so. 3: It was necessary, because in this new generation we can help prevent the heterosexism that she encountered as a kid, from happening again. 4: Stump Olsen has endured a lot due to her sexuality, but that part of her life is over; a new and improved one has begun.
green= participle
red= absolute
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Self-Assessment
1. 11/20/08- An Analysis of a Talk given by Stump Olsen
2. I am continuing to work on comma issues. Also, using unnecessary words have been a re-occurring problem.
3. I see good uses of a participle and absolute. In addition, I used quotes that enhanced my writing.
4. I might've not included everything "under one umbrella". There also might be one comma-splice.
5. B
4 comments:
Parker-really good essay! Some things to look at,
-maybe you should say how you feeel about heterosexism.
-also when you say" she basiclly lost her whole family" i dont think you need to say basicly becuase she did loose her whole immediate family.
one thing i really likes what how you used alot of quotes from her. it really added to your essay!
GOOD JOB!
Parker,
This was good essay! Two things you could work on would be you say that she didn't tell a soul until she was 20 and then you metion how she didn't tell her family until she was 20. Also you might make sure that all your senteces aren't vague and won't confuse readers. I really enjoyed you're first body paragraph. You really seem to understand her story.
---SCARLET
Parker, I think that you have a great understanding of the story, but I think that's what your focusing on too much. Also, you repeated the fact about her losing her family. I really enjoyed reading the first paragraph, an your use of quotes.
HI PARKER --
she is perfectly fine now, seeing her joke around ... HERE YOU NEED A PERIOD OR SEMICOLON INSTEAD OF A COMMA, TO SEPARATE TWO INDEPENDENT CLAUSES.
greatest childhood to say the least , but the present is looking great....AVOID USING 'GREAT'. IT'S QUITE VAGUE AND VERY OVERUSED. USE THE THESAURUS TO FIND A RICHER AND MORE INTERESTING WORD .
I LIKE THAT OPENING PARAGRAPH, PARKER!!
She didn't know what to do, she didn't want to tell ...HERE'S THE SAME PUNCTUATION ISSUE. YOU NEED A PERIOD OR SEMICOLON INSTEAD OF A COMMA. LET'S WORK ON THIS.
PARKER, THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST ESSAY YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN FOR ME. IT'S CLEAR, WELL-0RGANIZED, SMOOTH, AND -- OF COURSE -- VERY INTELLIGENT AND SENSITIVE. YOU ARE A VERY SERIOUS AND FINE ENGLISH SCHOLAR!!
--MR. SALSICH
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