TS: Do you have a right to be mean to someone just because they are different than you? SD: The kids at Stump Olsen's high school thought that they did. SD: Heterosexism, it's mouth and fists bruising the bones and heart, strikes again. CS: Situations like Mr. Olsen's happen everyday, but who is going to stop it?
TS: According to Dictionary.com heterosexism is a prejudiced attitude or discriminatory practices against homosexuals by heterosexuals. SD: Discrimination can be against anyone, of any race, religion, or sexual orientation. CM: Some people hate another person because they're different, and many people find it wrong. CM: Stump Olsen, being a gay woman who gave us a talk on LGBT* issues, was beat up everyday because of it. SD: I believe that there are two types of discrimination, physical and emotional. CM: Name calling can hurt as much as a punch to the stomach. CM: Both are painful, but emotional seems to leave a wound that is harder to heal. CS: Heterosexism is something a lot of people would love to stop, calling someone mean names hurts and just because they are different it gives people no reason to be awful to them.
TS: When Ms. Olsen talked to us about her story she made me realize two important and wonderful facts. SD: Firstly, words can hurt, "the saying, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, is a lie!" Ms. Olsen said. CM: I find this to be true, you could say something and mean it as a joke but it can really hurt someone. CM: We must always be careful of what we say because it could really bother another person. SD: Something else that I realized that we at Pine Point are very lucky to have, is that we all respect one another. CM: We are very lucky to have such a great community. CM: Ms. Olsen was "getting jumped at least twice a day" at her high school, but I feel if one of us came out gay we would support that person completely. CS: Ms. Olsen helped us all to realize that words can sometimes hurt more than physical abuse and that we have a exceptional community together.
TS: Heterosexism takes place daily at a lot of schools, workplaces, and even some people's homes. SD: We at Pine Point are lucky that it's not that way in our community. SD: Physical and emotional abuse can destroy a person, and all it takes is someone to tell them to stop.
CS: After Ms. Olsen talk maybe Pine Point school could be the people to say stop.
Orange= participle
Pink= absolute
Purple= FAST word
* Lesbian Gay Bi-sexual Transgender
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Date:11/20/08 Assignment: Essay #7
2. I am trying to make sure that all of my punctuation is correct. Also I need to make sure that I have no "vagueness" in my writing.
3. I think the quote that I used really helped this piece of writing. I think that my second body paragraph is an okay paragraph.
4. I am not so sure that my absolute is completely correct. I think that my essay could be better.
5. C+
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Scarlet- Great essay! i really liked the quote you used, it made your essay even better. Two things you should look at is in your first paragraph at the end you use the words "gang up" and maybe you could change that. and also when you say "LGBT" maybe you could explain what that is. when you fix thoughs things your essay will be fantastic! GOOD WORK!
-Kate
Scarlet- i know i just posted but then i relized most people will know what you are saying when you say LGBT so you can forget about that. the thing you should look at is your 3rd sentence, at first i was confused when you said, " and many people fnd it wrong" you could just explain what you were talking about. good job!!
Scarlet, I enjoyed reading this essay very much! I especially enjoyed how you added the definition of heterosexism at the beginning. Things to fix would be to either, in the CS after the word "stop", put a period or semi-colon instead of a comma. Also to make that highlighted sentence a participle you should change it to, "Stump Olsen, being a gay woman who gave us a talk on LGBT issues, was beat up everyday because of it." Once you change these minor things, this will be one SWEET essay!
Scarlet- Good Job! I liked your quotes, and how they added onto your essay. One thing you might want to change is the arrangement of your first paragraph so that the definition doesn't appear right at the beginning. Another thing is to maybe edit your cs of your first paragraph, because i felt it was a little bit akward. all in all, gret essay
Dear Scarlet,
Oh, what a SWEET opening paragraph! One of your very best of all time!
In the first chunk in the first body par., the second CM seems to be outside of the 'umbrella' of the SD. I hope you see what I mean.
However, the second chunk is perfectly organized.
HERE YOU NEED A SEMICOLON OR PERIOD AFTER 'STOP': "... love to stop, calling someone..."
HERE YOU NEED A PERIOD AFTER 'HURT': ": Firstly, words can hurt, "the saying, sticks and stones may break..."
THIS SENTENCE COULD BE TIGHTENED AND SMOOTHED A LITTLE: "Something else that I realized that we at Pine Point are very lucky to have, is that we all respect one another."
I LOVE the final paragraph!
.............
Scarlet. I feel lucky to have read this deeply felt essay. Like FSW, it was written from the heart. You are a GOOD girl!!
Post a Comment