Scarlet Caruso
English 9
H. Salsich
May 19, 2009
A Stone, a Passage, a Young Life:
An essay relating a passage to my life and a rock
How can a stone, a passage, and a young girl’s life be alike? All of these things are trying to be wealthy and enjoy life. They all believe that true wealth is knowledge. The girl, in her life, wishes to be more like the stone because it lives like the passage says to.
A illustrious (FAST) writer, Rainer Maria Rilke’s, second passage really stands out to me because he makes statements that I truly agree with. (APPOSITIVE) Rilke is completely correct when he says that hands would be better for eyes. Our hands are so constantly interested in the things around us. They are, “so ready to grasp” and they would serve much better as eyes for those of us who would like to see everything. Another reason this passage interests me is because Rilke says, “we could truly acquire wealth.” In this passage he says that abundance (FAST) is not money and cars, but knowledge. Knowledge of the world around us is true wealth. I couldn’t agree more with the things stated in this wonderful passage!
This passage relates to my life in many ways. For example, I often try to look at little things and appreciate them just as my hands enjoy the tiny stone I play with at the beach. I would enjoy looking with my hands because then I could really see. In my life I try to remind myself to look at things as if my eyes were my hands, “so willing to relinquish all things.” Another way this passage relates to my life is the way Rilke thinks of wealth. His point of view reminds me of my father’s who often tells me, “I could live in a cardboard box and I’d be rich as long as I had my family.” He thinks of wealth in a different way than most people do. He does not think of a large house with a huge pool, he thinks of love as wealth as Rilke thinks of knowledge. This passage relates to my life because Rilke thinks about life, thinks about wealth, thinks about seeing, thinks about family the same way I do. (TETRACOLON CLIMAX)
The stone in the English classroom reminds me of this passage in many ways. For example, the garden stone truly sees everything with no eyes, feeling it’s way through life. (PARTICIPLE) It does not watch the birds and squirrel but feels them go through daily life. If we could all feel the life around us then we, “could truly acquire wealth.” Another way the garden stone relates to Rilke’s passage is the way it let’s things go. The stone allows people to walk on it and then let them go. The stone let’s, “everything pass through [it’s] grasp.” The stone in a way is smarter than us all, in the way that it feels life and let’s things go.
In a strange way a rock, a fourteen-year-old, and a passage by a famous writer are a lot alike. They all wish to be wealthy in different ways than most people. They all like to see like their hands feel, with curiosity and interest. Did you ever think that this different group would have a lot in common? (ANTITHESIS) Well they do!
3 comments:
Scarlet!
Great job! Your topic sentence, really hooked, in fact your whole topic paragraph made me want to read on. But in the third sentence of the first body paragraph you should change the "is" to in. I thought the sentence, "I would enjoy looking with my hands because then I could really see," was very interesting, because of your completely different take on this intriguing passage. So, overall, just one more read-through for careless errors, will make this one superb essay.
Dear Scarlet, good job! I admire that you stuck with the idea about eyes throughout you're whole essay. One thing you should do is properly introduce the author at one point. For example, you could change you're first body paragraph to say, "In a passage by Rainer Maria Rilke...". Another thing you might want to change would be you're last two sentences. Though I found them amusing, I don't think they are a very appropriate way to end the essay. After reading through for errors, this will be a great essay!
Scarlet-
FANTASTIC ESSAY! That was really good. I really like your concluding paragraph, it was funny. In your intro paragraph on your last sentence, I don't think you need the "and". JUst work on that then you will have a supper fantastic essay.
-Kate
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